Arguments are part of every healthy relationship. You can’t always feel exactly how your partner feels and if you are in the habit of fostering healthy communication, you are bound to disagree from time to time. He might say something you don’t like. You might do something he doesn’t like. If the argument seems inevitable, go ahead and let it out. It’s going to come out anyway.
My husband and I have been together for years and over that time we have had many, many arguments. But we always fight fair. If you are arguing with your significant other. Ask yourself the following question: what is the root of this disagreement? How can I communicate my needs better? What did I do to get us to this place?
If an argument has boiled over. Don’t beat yourself up. Arguments are part of life. They are what makes us human. Here are three quick and easy ways to fix it.
1. Let Go of the Control
Sometimes we get so caught up in the argument and being “right” we forget why we are really arguing. Instead of feeling angry, controlling and mean, start thinking about a solution. Like Dr. Phil once said, "The question is, do you go into it with a spirit of looking for resolution or do you go into it with a spirit of getting even, vengeance, control? You'll never win if you do that. If you make your relationship a competition, that means your spouse has to lose in order for you to win. It's not a competition, it's a partnership."
2. Take a Timeout
If things get really heated, take a timeout and go on a walk or go get some ice cream. It may seem silly but really when you get to the point when neither partner is listening, then you are better off just getting away. Having that alone time will give you a chance to think about the argument from a distance. Why are we really arguing? How can we resolve this situation? What can I do to facilitate a resolution?
3. Listen, Talk, Listen
After you have given each other some time to cool off, be reasonable and give each other time to talk. Sit down and have a conversation that involves listening and talking. When it is your turn, speak from your heart, be honest with your partner and yourself. For example, “I think the reason I really feel this way is I feel like you are not spending enough time with me.” Allow your partner to respond, fully. Do not cut your partner off to jump into what you think. When you are done talking and listening, spend some time just being with each other, like going on a walk or cooking together. It will bring you closer and you will have a sense of closure to the argument.
Most arguments stem from an inability to listen or take your partner’s feelings into consideration. In your next argument, try to take a minute to really listen to what your partner is saying. Listen to how they feel. It will make all the difference. And remember, always fight fair!
Do you have any tips on fixing an argument with your significant other? If so, share them below.
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