In an effort to get to the heart of the dos and don’ts of dating, the dating experts here at Cupid's Cronies are going to take a look season 11 of the “Bachelorette” and analyze some of the factors that made Kaitlyn choose the way she did. Kaitlyn Bristowe, the ‘Bachelorette’, has weeded out 23 of the 25 men that she has been mass dating over the last month or so. Let me get side-tracked by saying, this isn’t reality … it’s scripted reality TV. Love and especially marriage, are two-way streets which are built upon honesty and partnership. Kaitlyn (or any other “Bachelorette” for that matter) is in a position of matriarch-like power, but without any of the social & religious limitations that an actual queen would have. The star is in a very self-serving position, full of power-plays and jockeying. This whole scenario seems like an extremely unhealthy dating situation –which is probably why only 4 or 5 couples have stayed together in this entire franchise's history: Bachelor, Bachelorette, and spin-offs. But we are not here to argue the show’s merits, we are here to identify behavioral patterns that you ladies might find to be deal-breakers, and you guys should avoid.
What A Jerk!
We have seen quite a bit of jerk-like behavior from this particular group of guys. McDill was actually booted off the show. But, there was a sense of entitlement coming from quite a few of the guys. Almost like if Kaitlyn showed any waning interest, it was her fault. How dare she have the audacity to not connect physically and emotionally with you. News flash to all of those guys. The headline reads: Jerk Guy Not The One For Her.
So ladies, if you are on a date and a guy is a jerk right off the bat, this should be a deal-breaker for you as well. And guys, remember to be courteous and treat a lady like a lady … but not too much! - Here is a great article on Dating Etiquette for Men.
Does She See Him As A Pushover?
Jared was an űber gentleman throughout. So what went wrong? Was he too nice? Sometimes women (just people in general) get turned off by such chivalry. It seems to be in our nature to want to be challenged … even struggle a little bit, and a person who is willing to do absolutely anything and everything for you just isn’t a challenge. Even though this is what many women would talk about as being the ‘fairy tale’, they still reject it in reality because it’s too easy. And so it remains as such, a fairy tale. Then again, maybe it was just his spotty beard. Note to guys: Be nice, but not too nice … and absolutely, positively no spotty beards.
Holding Back and Closing Off
This seemed to be a reoccurring theme with several of the male hopefuls and with Kaitlyn herself. Many of us were thinking that Ben H. just might be the man that the Bachelorette picked. But in a shocker to many, she stuck with Nick Viall and Shawn B. Ben admitted to closing off after feeling like the outsider, due to Kaitlyn [admittedly] shutting down to him and opening up to another briefly. We also saw this with Ben Z., who has a hard time expressing his emotions.
This is one of those things that can definitely be a deal-breaker. Not so much because a woman doesn’t want to be with a man that doesn’t project his thoughts and emotions outwards (or vice versa), but because it causes miscues, misunderstandings, and insecurities from not knowing and understanding where the other person is at emotionally. This is why it is important to open up in a relationship.
Hey! Over Here …
JJ was a prime example of a lack of focus. Even the viewing public concentrated more on his bromance with Clint than they did the relationship between JJ and Kaitlyn. This is a trap that a man can fall into while dating someone new while on double dates or in group outings. He might feel a little more comfortable chatting up his new buddy and this can be taken as a lack of interest on his part or plain rudeness through the eyes of the woman. This is definitely a deal-breaker for many ladies. So guys … over here … focus on your date, even if you are a little nervous and have a bro-shield to hide behind. And Ladies, try to keep in mind that he may just be intimidated. Before making the assessment that he is either a jerk or not interested in you, try to evaluate the situation and his behavior.
Do you have any input about this season's Bachelorette? Tell us in the comment area below! Have any questions for our experts about dating? Email us today!