We’ve all ended relationships vowing to never repeat our mistakes, only to fall back into the same habits that left us feeling unfulfilled.  To attract a better mate, you have to start making personal changes that might feel uncomfortable or frightening.  But ultimately, these changes should yield a stronger sense of self and attract a partner who complements you equally and lovingly.

The first step in attracting a better mate is to get your life in order.  Life can be like a jigsaw puzzle, and the pieces need to be assembled in a specific sequence for everything to fit together harmoniously.  As a single person surrounded by married friends, it can appear that the entire world is in love and leaving you as the perpetual third wheel.  But true happiness and self-satisfaction comes from within – finding a partner to share in your joy is just the icing on the cake.

Start focusing on what makes you happy.  Your joy will radiate from the inside out, instantly making you more attractive to others.  There are simple ways to boost your self-esteem:  Updating your wardrobe is an easy and effective way to attract a better partner – a polished appearance shows the world that you take pride in yourself and are looking for the same consideration and attention in your relationships.  Or you might take the initiative to start a hobby you’ve been dreaming about for years.  There’s no reason to delay the activities that may bring you the most happiness; your life is happening now, and it’s time to grab on and enjoy the ride.  Your perfect match may share these same interests – you’ll never know until you get out there and seize the moment. 

It’s also advisable to keep an open mind and continue dating.  Not only will you keep your social skills polished, you’ll feel more receptive to love when it finally does come along.  As a single person, it can be easy to get into a rut of solitary activities.  It’s best to resist the urge to isolate whenever possible:  Stay active, stay out there, and stay available.

When sizing up a potential mate, you’ll want to be realistic and flexible about your deal breakers and must-haves.  Your best match might not be able to check off every single box on the list, but as long as he or she hits the key marks with love and acceptance, the smaller details become manageable.  We’re all human, so no one is going to measure up perfectly in every way.  Remember the problems that arose in previous relationships and steer clear of the obvious pitfalls, know what you’re able to tolerate and look for the person who can meet your most crucial needs.   

In the end, it never hurts to stay true to the golden rule, whether you’re looking for romantic love or personal contentment: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  It’s difficult to expect kindness and understanding if you’re not able to display it yourself.  That’s not to say that you shouldn’t look for someone who complements your personality or who can inspire you and pick you up when you’re down; but you need to be open to offer the same kindnesses in return.