What Is Approach Anxiety
The answer that most matchmakers & dating experts would give you is plain and simple. Approach anxiety is a set of unnecessary fears we men have about initially approaching women. I believe it is rooted somewhere in our hunter/gatherer genetics. After all, in nature, pretty much everything beautiful happens to be deadly as well. But women don’t typically tend to be dangerous to men (that is, of course, you’re John Wayne Bobbit). So why are we afraid?
Our Anxiety Is Constructed by Us
We continue to carry the crosses of our adolescence, from a time when our world was limited by cliques and often, a touch of cruelness. But we are no longer those awkward teenagers; we are adults. Not only have we grown up, but the world we live in has changed. It is no longer cool for someone to hurt another person’s feelings to receive approval from their peer group, especially not in our adult lives. So, we can lay down our burdens, straighten our backs, and start to walk tall.
Shedding the Anxiety and Meeting Women
Knowing that there is nothing to fear is our first big step towards building our confidence levels and squashing approach anxiety –more on confidence in our article: How To Attract Women Without Saying A Word— the next thing that we need to work on is retraining our brains. Our minds are stubborn, and even though we know that we should not be afraid, our mindset and thought process are still the same. We can address this issue through a process called, ‘bridging the gap in mindsets’. In doing this, we will (overtime) move from anxious to confident.
A Few Examples of Bridging the Gap in Mindsets
Mindsets before approaching a woman to speak with her:
- Usual, anxious thoughts - “She is going to shoot me down.” or “She is going to reject me … hard.”
- Bridging thoughts - “If we don’t hit it off, that’s OK. Not everybody gets along.”
- Usual, anxious thoughts – “Everyone is going to see, I’m going to look like a loser.” or “Her friends are all going to laugh at me.”
- Bridging thoughts - “Her friends just might get a little jealous that I’m not focusing on them.” or “No one cares what I’m doing, everyone is absorbed with their own lives.”
When you find yourself thinking in an anxious mindset, rewrite the words running through your head with thoughts similar to these bridging mindset gap examples.
Focus On The Positive Aspects
In addition to constantly redirecting your anxious, negative thoughts into attainable, positive, situational mindsets, work on what you take away from each encounter.
The times that you fail, instead of dwelling on not getting the phone number, or that she didn’t feel like entering into a conversation with you, think about the positive aspects of what happened: “I didn’t get her phone number, but she was very polite and didn’t make me feel bad.” or “She didn’t really want to talk to me, but she was nice about it, so I have nothing to fear next time I approach a woman.”
No More Fear
If you practice bridging the gaps between mindsets and focus on the positive aspects of all outcomes, your mindset will become more confident in nature. Instead of those negative thoughts like in examples 1 & 2, you’ll automatically start thinking things like, “I’m in a great mood, I can tell that she is too, and we are going to hit it off!” This confidence factor alone will lead to more and more success.
Sometimes women really are just out with their girlfriends and don’t want to deal with being hit on, or they have been hit on in an uncomely manner previous to your arrival (and you just have the misfortune of bad timing). But 98% of the time, if she isn’t interested, she will let you down easy. Most women are not mean at heart and don’t want to intentionally hurt your feelings, so there is absolutely no reason to let approach anxiety limit your opportunities.
For more additional, personalized dating advice, just shoot us an email and one of our dating coaches will contact you!
Feel free to comment below with your own personal experiences or questions!