A wise person once told me,
“Instead of falling into love, you should try crawling into love.”
She further explained that "falling" shows instability and usually results in a bruised knee. Crawling is more of a slow, gradual process that is controlled.
When we begin a relationship, it’s easy to let passion cloud our judgement.
Are we really passionately in love? Or are we simply obsessed?
It seems there is a fine line between love and infatuation. For example, have you ever been madly in “love” with someone, only to find out they didn’t particularly feel the same way? Or have you had a series of passionate relationships that end in flames?
When it comes to relationships, is passion overrated?
The following tips have helped me (and many a friend) find the balance between passion and genuinecompatibility in our love lives...
Don’t Get Caught Up On the Process
The process of falling in love is amazing: the butterflies in your stomach, the feeling of walking on air, the no sleeping, no eating thing.
Although sometimes we get so caught up in the feelings, we forget about the person.
If you feel like your life is suddenly very different, you may want to pull back the reins and slow down. Just get to know the person and work on building a solid relationship built on trust and understanding.
Those excitement feelings wear off after about 2 months (or less for some) and you want to ensure you have a solid platform for stability in the relationship and that it's not just based on the physical.
What was their upbringing like? What's their family like? How do they act in moments of conflict?
Knowing the person has values similar to yours is more important than having good chemistry and passion. Having chemistry and passion doesn't equal a good partner in a relationship.
Sometimes we tend to seek out passionate relationships, even though a perfect relationship might be right in front of us.
We always recommend people give each other at least 3 dates before passing judgment. People can grow on you and the spark can ignite. I know this was the case for April, our Matchmaker and Founder. Initially she didn't think all too much of her future husband except that he seemed like a nice guy and even thought he was kind of nerdy (He doesn't read these thankfully;) he eventually became the sexiest guy on the planet once their connection grew after about 2 months.
When you fall in love slowly and really get to know each other, the spark can ignite even more passionately in the long run.
Just because they knock you off your feet initially, doesn’t mean you will have long term committed partner. Look for someone who makes you feel excited, but you also respect, has similar values, and you can have a deep two and a half hour conversation with.
Passion fades, values and respect do not.
Notice Your Patterns
Do you find yourself in those crash and burn relationships?
Many people get addicted to this first phase of a relationship and confuse it for a relationship. So when the feelings of excitement wear down in a newer relationship, they feel like it's over and give up.
Remember this initial excitement phases is only one of the many phases people go through.
Be honest with yourself and reflect on your past relationships. Go through your list of past relationships and write down what it was that initially attracted you to your exes and why you broke up. After going through them all, many people will realize the mistakes they've been making in the past and help steer the ship better next time.
We should all learn something from every relationship that helps guide us to the next better (for us) person. Remember the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Please don't make your love life insane ;)
Passion isn’t overrated, it’s just misunderstood.
The key to being in a passionate relationship is to seek out the right type of relationship and qualities in a person that will lead to long term happiness. Fall slowly and carefully, then reignite the flame every now and then so you can watch it burn.
Remember if something is too good to be true, it probably isn't.
If you get it right, you will see that the candle can keep burning... It doesn’t have to be a firecracker.
What do you think is the most important thing to find in your match? Values? Integrity? Physical attraction? Let us know by leaving us a comment below.