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Should I call him?

This is the question women ask themselves regularly after meeting a guy whom they exchanged contact information and promises to reconnect.  The answer is... it depends. There are two key factors to getting him to call and most importantly, not really worrying about it.

Making the First Move

In any relationship, someone always has to make the first move.  However, you might find it a bit difficult to make the first move for a variety of reasons.  Perhaps you are the shy type and are afraid of being rejected.  Or maybe you are unsure when to make the first move.  Some people are also new to dating and may still be getting their feet wet in uncertain waters.  If any of this sounds like you, take heart because it is actually possible for you to learn how to make the first move. The first step in making the first move is to check your motivation for wanting to date the person in question.  Is he/she your type as far as physical attraction goes?  Have your friends told you stories about them that have piqued your interest?  Does your intended carry himself well?  If so, then it may be a good idea to make the first move to ask that person out on a date.

Now, your next challenge is deciding how to make the first move.  You definitely will need to approach your potential date either in person or through emails/social networking.  Making the first move this way is good because you want that person to gain a favorable first impression of you.  But remember to temper your expectations and energy.  Be casual and just ask that person if they are open to going on a date.  This isn’t the same as asking, “When do you think we could start dating?”  When you ask the other person if they are open to dating you, you are giving them a choice. This is a gracious way of entering a potential dating relationship.  If the other person doesn’t want to date you, you can just say, “I understand, and it’s okay.”

If this is your first time asking someone out on a date, you probably have butterflies in your stomach and a mouth that seems to be filled with cotton at the mere prospect.  But making the first move even if you feel awkward about it is definitely a positive, because sometimes you need to gain more practice at this stage of the dating process.  You will notice that you are not asking the other person to marry you – you are just asking them out on a date.  If the other person declines, at least you now know that you have the courage to ask other people out on dates.  It does get easier over time.

If you seem to have difficulty making the first move, one possible solution is to practice your “script” with someone close to you.  Your friend can analyze why you seem to be having difficulties with this and perhaps recommend changes in your approach.  This can be very helpful so that you won’t find it quite so intimidating in the future to make the first move and go on that valuable first date.

How to Ask for a Second Date

Many people already know how to ask for a first date – their problem later may be asking for a second date in order to foster a relationship.  There are different reasons it can be difficult to ask for a second date.  For example, the first date might not have gone well or perhaps something happened that turned off your date.  Or maybe your date is just not interested enough in you to agree to a second date.  Although there is never any guarantee that your first date will lead to a second, you can stack the odds in your favor so that your date will find you appealing enough to want to spend more time with you. Your first date is crucial if you are looking to date someone for the long term.  So be sure to put your best foot forward so that you appear as someone your date would love to be associated with.  This means paying extra attention to grooming and style in preparation for your first date.  First impressions are really important, no matter what some people might say, so you should make it a point to leave a favorable memory during your first date.  This only increases the possibility for a second date – so be sure to keep up the good image on future dates as well.  People feel comforted around those who give an air of confidence and control, and this begins with how you present yourself to the world.

Second, do away with any poor moods before you go on a date.  It may happen that you asked someone on a first date, but something happened to put you in a bad state of mind right before the date itself.  Your foul mood can shoot down any hopes of going on a second date, so be sure to try to put yourself in a more light-hearted state of mind before heading out on your date.  No one wants to spend their free time with a mope.  If you think that you won’t be able to shake off your funk in time, you can always call or text and ask to move the date to a more favorable time.  If your date asks why, simply explain that the timing didn’t work out, but assure them that you are looking forward to seeing them soon so that they do not feel put off.

Third, do ask your date about him or herself on the first date.  Not only does this show that you are really interested in your date, but it allows your date to reciprocate by asking questions about you.  If your date seems a bit guarded, you can bring down their defenses through self-disclosure.  You can say something like, “Isn’t this a great restaurant?  I come here as often as I can, because the food is amazing.”  Note that you are inviting input with this kind of introduction so that you don’t monopolize the conversation.

Asking someone for a second date can be good if the person you met is someone you truly want to spend more time with.  You should make as good an impression on your date as you can so that they will think the same about you.  This will smooth the path to an easy second date and beyond to a lasting relationship.

How Text Messages Can Give You an Edge in Dating

This dating era is definitely the era of technology.  One valuable innovation in this modern age is texting.  It is valuable because you probably take your phone with you everywhere you go, so you can send and receive messages at any time.  Some experts do not recommend that you text someone as a method of asking them out on a date, because it can seem rather impersonal.  Not to mention, your prospective date might misunderstand your message.  However, done the right way, texting can be a valuable tool to determine your crush’s level of interest. The first rule of texting is not to use it to replace face-to-face interaction.  You probably have a lot you want to say to someone you have a crush on, but relying on texting to do this can be interpreted the wrong way.  If you have gone on a first date with someone, it can be good manners to follow up with a simple text that reads, “I had a great time tonight – thanks for spending time with me.”  You will notice that there is no request for a follow-up date at this stage because you simply want to thank your date for his or her time and company.  You should then wait for a reply that is positive and encouraging before sending more texts.

Sending a barrage of texts to someone you have dated only once can be the wrong move.  For one thing, your date might feel pressured to go on additional dates with you.  For another, he or she might be in the middle of important tasks when you send multiple texts.  This gives the impression that you do not respect their boundaries.  Flirting through texts can be a double-edged sword in a way, because it can be interpreted either favorably (when your date likes to flirt too) or badly (if your date is not the type to flirt with first-time dates).  So it makes sense to play it safe and just send one to three texts at the start – more than that may result in mixed signals.

Timing is a crucial element in any potential relationship, and this applies to texting as well.  Having the right sense of timing can help you get the attention and interest of your date.  Try to send your texts at a time when your crush is most likely feeling relaxed and in the mood to reply.  For example, you can send a text in the early morning when he or she may have just woken up and is checking messages.  Or you could send it in the evening sometime after dinner when he or she is unwinding from the day.  Used the right way, texting can help you land that valuable second date so that you can spend more time with your object of your affection.

Dating Advice - People are shallow?

We should just like someone for who they are on the inside.  It sounds nice, but it’s not the reality we live in.  Physical appearance is the first thing that attracts the opposite sex. I often hear people say that women/men are too shallow, but are they?  The fact of the matter is that we all are... to an extent.  Most people will do a double take when they see a good looking man/woman walk by.  We may wish that everyone else in the world would not be shallow, but we can not help it.  It’s animal instinct.  Think of how some animals will do a dance and fluff their feathers to attract the opposite sex.  The same is true of people.   In order to more easily attract the opposite sex, we should forget about how shallow it is and ensure we are doing our best to look our best.

The way to attack this natural physical attraction thing i.e. shallowness, is to step it up a bit.  If you desire an attractive person, then you probably should be of equal caliber. You can not expect to attract Barbie if you are not Ken and vice versa.  It is not necessary to buy a new wardrobe (unless most of your clothes are a couple years old), but you should put yourself together with some modern pieces of clothing and look neat when meeting people.  It is imperative to be groomed, clean, and orderly.  When you are single, you have more time to work on yourself and I do not just mean physically, but also emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, etc.  These areas will give you more to work with once the initial impression has been made.

There of course is a point when a person is just too shallow.  We all know those people and, quite frankly, I feel sorry for them.  Those are the people that I will advise to steer clear from.  It is not worth the effort to try to vie for their attention when you have so much more to offer.  It is unfortunate we can not just be deemed desirable based solely on what is inside, but this is reality.  What we can do is be aware of it and do our best to ensure we are presenting our best selves possible.

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