Viewing entries tagged


The Case For “A Few Extra Pounds”

Sending first online dating message
Sending first online dating message

We are happy to feature a guest blogger this week, Scot McKay of Deserve What You Want, to discuss The Case For “A Few Extra Pounds” .

This post isn’t about you.  It’s about the women you’ve been searching for online.

If you’re doing online dating, you’ve probably been filling out the checkboxes under “who I’m looking for” pretty literally. You’ve been visualizing the kind of woman you want and ticking the boxes accordingly.

Well, today I want to challenge you to go back into your search parameters and check off a box you may have left blank.

You guessed it.  I’m going to boldly suggest you widen your net to include women who describe themselves as having “a few extra pounds”. Before you’re tempted to blow off what I’m about to say, bear a couple of key points in mind.

First, I’m not about to ask you to change your taste in women.  If you’re not into chunky women, that’s your prerogative.  No worries.

Second, I’ve been immersed in the world of online dating for over twelve years now.  There’s a chance I may have an ironic strategy for you that can pay big dividends.

So let’s dive in.

Online Dating
Online Dating

Why do I believe you should check that box?  It’s simple:  Your online searches aren’t driven by some neural technology that can actively predict who you’re going to be attracted to (at least not yet).  Instead, they perform the much simpler Boolean task of bringing up women who describe THEMSELVES as fitting your specifications.

That’s right.  No algorithm in any computer anywhere is smart enough to read your mind and show you only the women who really, actually float your boat. In fact, my educated guess is that if you’ve been adamant against searching for women who self-identify as having “a few extra pounds” it’s not only because you don’t see yourself with such women.  My bet is it’s mostly because you’re search results are inundated with “about average” women who more accurately fall into Gabriel Iglesias’ “Fluffy” range.

Fair enough.  It’s easy to see that women tend to, shall we say, “under-classify” themselves. But here’s the thing.  Have you ever given any thought to the mere possibility that there are also women out there who aren’t necessarily so “optimistic” about their body type? There are actually PLENTY of women who have figured out that full disclosure is the only way to go.  And this according to their own perhaps arbitrary standards, no less. They’ve heard the horror stories from other women who presented themselves with too much optimism and got BLOWN AWAY by guys who felt swindled upon actually meeting them.

Ultimately, that really hurts a lot more than getting less attention to begin with.

So then yes, there are more women who you might think who classify themselves as having a “few extra pounds”, but who would really turn you on sexually. And here’s the crazy part.  A lot of them REALLY ARE only “a few extra pounds” over their ideal weight.

As in, three.

Basically, if some women feel they’d like to cut a few “vanity pounds”, they feel compelled to tell the truth. But there’s more.  Given the media-driven obsession with being skinny, imagine the possibility of a woman BELIEVING she weighs a bit too much when in reality she’s rather slim…and perhaps irresistibly sexy according to your tastes.

Now imagine a woman like that sitting alone on a Friday night because she’s dateless…all because she described herself as having “a few extra pounds”. If you think I’m crazy, I’m not.  Pinch yourself, because I speak the truth. These women are RAMPANT on online dating sites nowadays. In case it’s not obvious why finding exactly those women online is a BONANZA, here are my four specific reasons to start checking the “few extra pounds” box:

1. It opens up your dating pool - Suddenly, there are more women to potentially write to than there were before. It’s not like the women who lie about being “about average” have changed.  They’re still there. But fortunately, so now are the women on the opposite end of the spectrum:  those who think having curves in all the right places makes them “look fat”.

2. You have FAR less competition - How many of us as guys moan and complain about how women seem to idealize their “perfect guy” in their checkbox selections? Yeah well, we’re no different.  And just like women, we shortchange ourselves from meeting plenty of MOTOS (members of the other sex) who might appeal to us that way.

We compartmentalize them right out of our search results.

It’s time to let OTHER guys keep short-changing themselves.  Go get all of the unexpectedly hot women they’ll never even knew existed.

3. You’ll meet better women - What does it say about a woman who is honest enough to say she’s carrying “a few extra pounds” if she sees it that way, even if nobody else really does? It says she’s going out of her way to NOT be a liar.  That’s a great start, if you ask me.

Overall, women who overstate their body type online tend to be sweeter, more humble and have higher character. Weirdly, they don’t suffer from low self-esteem as often as you might think.  It’s really more about a commitment to honesty than some sort of weird self-punishment.


4. You make an amazing first impression even on “slender” women - A-ha…here’s the unexpected benefit I can almost guarantee you’ve never considered. In the end, even if you never discover more women to date using the strategy I’m talking about here, there’s still IMMENSE value in it. That’s because by checking “a few extra pounds” you’re perceived by women of ALL TYPES as being slightly less shallow than other guys.  It reflects positively on you and that is NEVER a bad thing. 

I don’t blame you for being skeptical.  All I’m suggesting is that you give what I’m talking about a try. Bear in mind that you ultimately will still choose the women you actually want, no matter what.  Nothing changes in that regard. If your search results don’t yield new and exciting possibilities in your neck of the woods, so be it.  At least you gave yourself a potential advantage no matter what.

Special thank you to our guest blogger this week, Scot Mckay of Deserve What You Want, dating, relationship and sex coach. 



Phoenix Dating Tips

Phoenix Dating Tips Skyline-Mountains-Phoenix-Arizona-United-States-1One would think that dating in the city would be easy; since there are so many people, it should not be terribly difficult to find one person that you would love to spend the rest of your life with.

Unfortunately, though, shows like Sex and the City have proven that this is not the case. If you are living in the Phoenix or Scottsdale Area and are starting to feel a little bit like Carrie Bradshaw, here are some tips to help you to navigate the dating scene in your city amidst the desert.



Tip #1: Try out speed dating.

Phoenix and Scottsdale have a surprising number of speed dating events in the area, hosted by a few different groups. The nice thing about speed dating is that you know that the people who are involved are looking to date, too, so it can narrow down your search in a city full of people. Here are three resources that are worth checking out:

  1.    Pre-dating Speed Dating- This website offers speed-dating events for single professionals in the Scottsdale area that are facilitated by members of their staff. At the end of each session, they will e-mail people who requested to see each other again. For more information, visithttp://www.pre-dating.com/phoenix/scottsdale-speed-dating/.
  2.    Date Switch- This website lists weekly speed dating events that include 5-minute “mini dates” events for singles. Check outhttp://www.dateswitch.com/city/speed-dating-phoenix-scottsdale.html.
  3.    MeetUp Groups- MeetUp.com has a specific group devoted to speed dating that, once you make a profile and join, will send you emails notifying you of upcoming events. Search Phoenix/Scottsdale Singles Speed Dating on meetup.com for more information.


Tip #2: Check out the nightlife.

If speed dating feels a little too structured to you, Scottsdale and Phoenix have a great nightlife scene that is worth checking out. According to the New York Times, Scottsdale is one of the “hippest and most happening” places in the country.

Downtown Scottsdale is home to most of the nightlife, especially between Camelback and Osborn roads. Because most of the bars and nightclubs are located within walking distance of one another, crowds of 40,000+ congregate here on the weekends.


Tip #3: Try out new date ideas.

If bars and nightclubs aren’t really your scene, try out some of these more eclectic locations to meet people or go on dates:

  1.    Old Town Scottsdale- This area has a plethora of boutiques, cafes, museums and art galleries to explore with a date, or maybe to meet that special someone.
  2.    Marshall Way Arts District- The first Thursday of each month in this area offers an art walk, with live music, gallery openings and refreshments.
  3.    5th Avenue Shops of Scottsdale- Even if shopping does not seem like a good date idea, this street offers over 35 restaurants in addition to many boutiques and art galleries- something for everyone!

City dating can be overwhelming, with so many options for places to go and people to meet. Hopefully, with these tips, you can more confidently navigate the Phoenix/ Scottsdale dating scene.



Montana Date Ideas

Night Date ideas in Montana imagesAnyone who has ever lived in or been to the state of Montana knows that the nights are just beautiful.

All the stars in the sky and even the milky way are clear to see.

Summer nights are when most people enjoy buzzing around the city outdoors when dating. They grab a bite to eat and then maybe head on over to The Rims to watch the sun set over the city.

In the winter months, people are more obliged to go shopping or out to dinner and to the movies.

But when it’s really cold, sometimes all that you can do with your date is be indoors and get warm and cozy. No matter when or what the situation... Montana nights have great opportunities for warm and cool romance.

Here are a few ideas for flirty and fun night dates in Billings, Montana:

  1.     Geyser Park to play mini golf, ride bumper cars, and just have fun and flirt!
  2.     Hastings coffee shop and Bookstore…great place to get to know each other.
  3.     Dinner at The Red Door diner and then to a movie! Can’t go wrong there : )
  4.     To the Alberta Bair Theatre for a concert or event.
  5.     Out to one of the various bars in town for some fun and drinks!

(ex. For Billings head to: The Railyard, The Rainbow, Yellowstone Valley Brewing Co. etc)


For classy dates at night check out:

  1.     Montana Brewing Co. for high-end drinks and a more sophisticated atmosphere.
  2.     The Rex- This is an upper class restaurant with a bar and a fire pit!
  3.     The Carlin-The #1 Dance club in Billings…very fun. Dress up and Dance!
  4.     Enzo’s Bistro…Fine dining and fine wine…Very romantic european vibe!
  5.     Siam Thai in Downtown Billings, then to The Art Walk, and later maybe some dessert….by then you will both really be feeling each other. It is a date that will titillate the mind and will easily guide conversation while shattering barriers.

cbc6e20be6cd841f7fd7fbd63fab8ac6When thinking of where to take a date at night in Montana just ask yourself what you want out of the experience and it will guide you to the perfect places and scenarios.

Also try to keep in mind what your date would most like to do. Always make sure your date feels comfortable so things get off to a smooth start between the two of you.

Often times for the first few dates a fun and relaxing environment is best.

If you have already gone on a few fun dates then maybe you feel ready to take things up a level by impressing and romancing your date. In that case make sure you set the right mood to take it to the next level desired.

Night dating is the most common time to go on dates, especially on the weekends. If you want to make a memorable time with your love interest then choosing any of the nighttime dating ideas listed in this blog would be a great place to start. So get excited, look good, and feel the love~