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first date advice

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Dressing and Dating

Love to date but stress over the dress?  Are you a clotheshorse without a guidepost when it comes to dating and decorum?  Well, dive into your closets, ladies -- this simple guide, will help you navigate the subtleties of selecting what to wear where and when to wear what.

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What To Expect When Dating Someone With Kids

We all want to be number one in the eyes of our significant other. It’s part of the Disneyesque fantasy that most of us have been programmed with. This is why I hear the term ‘deal-breaker’ thrown around so haphazardly when it comes to dating a person who has children from a previous relationship. Dating someone with kids (in the hearts & minds of those who have no children)  can feel like there is a living, breathing reminder that they are not going to be the number one priority ... front and center at all times. Not only is this type of thinking unfair to single parents out there, but people could be missing out on someone great just because of a few negative, preconceived notions.

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5 Ways To Get Him To Commit (and 4 Things To Avoid at All Cost)

Most “dating experts” focus solely on the matchmaking and attraction aspects of their services. They find two people with similar interests, get them together and let them run free in the wind. Simple enough, right? Then why is it that so many wonderful women who get set up with a great guy, do very well during the initial phases of the relationship, only to end up getting burned by little, flying chunks of Goodyear as the guy they want peels down the road towards the sunset and his next girlfriend?

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How to venture out of your comfort zone when dating

In the realm of dating, it can be difficult to try something new especially when your comfort zone is…well, comfortable. But sometimes it may be necessary to leave that comfort zone if you intend to find the right life partner through dating. Do consider taking the following steps so that you expand your dating circles as needed. What are you interested in? This does not just mean your hobbies or personal interests – it can also mean your current line of work and other occupations that you have pursued in the past. This helps you assess why your date life seems to have stalled.

Perhaps you only date people who like the same things you do? Or maybe you are only interacting with people from work? If you seem to be stuck in the same rut you may have to consider moving in different social circles to get a better chance of finding eligible people to date.

Do you have a specific belief system, like religion maybe? Not surprisingly, some people are afraid of dating people from other religions. You might be afraid of pursuing someone who belongs to a different religion because you are afraid of what your family and friends may say.

Or perhaps you just don’t want conflict with anyone you date when it comes to life goals based on that belief system. If this sounds like you, it may make sense to seek advice from a counselor in your religious group who understands relationships between two people from different beliefs. Inevitably religion or beliefs can be a deal-breaker or deal-maker especially if you plan on having kids and are wondering which religion or belief system to raise them in.

You might also be stuck in a particular era when it comes to your habits. This means even the simple things about you like your hairstyle, the way you dress, the words you prefer to use, and even the car you drive could reflect how limited your comfort zone is. You may want to ask a close friend or relative if they think your habits need to be “updated”. If yes, you can start examining how your peers seem to have “upgraded” themselves to be more in tune with the times – then start adjusting.

Some people get stuck in their comfort zone because they really don’t know what changes are necessary to be “cool”. If you are planning to date someone who seems to be a bit out of your league, try observing him or her for a while. Check out his or her friends to see why he/she seems to enjoy their company. This is actually a good way to assess if you and your new love interest could possibly be a good match, even before you start dating. You should then check if the changes that are necessary to fit in are really what you believe in yourself. If not, you may have to do some more self-evaluation before you start dating someone who is radically different from you.

 

Be sure to follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook to get more dating tips and advice.

Also, don’t forget to Join our Network to be potentially matched by a Matchmaker – absolutely free! [maxbutton id="1"]

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Spring Into Dating

With Spring just around the corner (or technically here, but come on Minnesotans, we’re not that gullible just because we’ve passed March 20th), romantic daydreams abound.  Do you find yourself imaging a romantic walk through your favorite park and then into an Uptown watering hole, all the while holding hands with that hottie you’ve been eyeing throughout these long, gray winter months?  Does the idea of taking this daydream into reality give you the nervous sweats?  Don’t worry – we’re all subject to jitters and flutters at the thought of taking action on romance.  

So today, let’s have a quick breakdown about how to work up the nerve for the ask-out, how to get your flirt on, and how to recover from awkward silences when things start going sideways.  Dating is fun!  And it’s supposed to be, so let’s all take a deep breath, relax and head to our favorite wine shops to pick out a celebratory pinot – because this dating thing isn’t as scary as we make it out to be.

 

First things first – if you’re in the mood for dating and don’t want to wait for someone to approach you, then you have to work up the nerve to do the asking out yourself.  Sometimes the easiest and least risky way to get your flirt on is to take it online.  The relative anonymity takes the sting out of possible rejection if it’s just a harmless Facebook proposition.

 

But if you’re old school, you’re going to take the plunge and ask someone out face-to-face and in person.  This is definitely the scarier option, but hey – high risk/high reward.  Be direct and as laid-back as possible.  A simple hello and a winning smile is a great ice-breaker.  From there, find some common ground and let the conversation flow to mutual interests that could be converted to a proposition spending time together: Voila!  Instant date.

 

Now that you’ve secured a date comes the second set of obstacles: Trying to keep your cool while still showing interest.  Sound like a ridiculous oxymoron?  It is -- because our hearts and minds are in constant conflict, never knowing when to employ emotion or logic.  The point being, the first date is a sticky wicket of trying to bring just the right amount of flirt.  You want your date to know that you’re into them, but you don’t want to scare them off, either.  So, what are some effective flirting techniques?

 

  • Invite romance silently: Never underestimate the effectiveness of eye contact.  Gaze long enough to let your date know you’re attentive and interested but not lingering so long that you look like a creeper or a ditzy airhead.  Remember, conversation is still crucial, but eye contact really drives home that your date has your undivided attention.
  • Physical contact: It’s the oldest move in the book – a light touch on the arm or shoulder during a funny story or a vulnerable moment.  This instantly signals that you’re attracted.
  • Scents of humor:  Wearing the right perfume or cologne on the first date is a great way to let your date know that this is a special occasion and not just a friendly hangout.  Nothing too overpowering, but a light and flirty (or masculine and subtle) scent really cues the atmosphere for closeness.

 

So now that you’ve got all your flirty moves in order, what do you do when all of those good intentions fly out the window?  More often than not, the risk of dating leads to loads of awkward moments.  And what you really need to know in those situations is how to salvage a date that’s about to take a nose dive.  Not to worry, here are some practical tips:

 

  • If there’s an uncomfortable silence – don’t panic.  Okay, you’re probably already panicking, which is why there’s the uncomfortable silence – but take a beat and dig deep.  Sometimes it’s just too painful to make continuous small talk.  Try shaking up the situation by asking a question that’s really on your mind.  Don’t be tacky or crass, but give a deeper question a try – it actually might lead to increased chemistry and connection in addition to vanquishing the silence.
  • If it looks like your date is spacing out, try not to take offense.  These days especially, attention spans are super fleeting.  It doesn’t mean he’s not interested, but it is a clue that maybe should up your game with a killer anecdote that really highlights your sense of humor.  Or – take it from the cerebral to the physical.  Sometimes physical activity on a first date is easier to keep both parties interested.  If you’re having drinks and you see your date drifting off, grab her hand and suggest a dance or a walk.  A little physicality shakes out the nerves and eases tension.  You’ll be connecting on a more natural level in no time.

 

So as temperatures and hearts warm, take a fearless dive into Spring and love.  By summer, you could be sizzling into a full-on relationship!

Be sure to follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook to get more dating tips and advice.

Also, don’t forget to Join our Network to be potentially matched by a Matchmaker – absolutely free! [maxbutton id="1"]

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