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Sending first online dating message
Sending first online dating message

We are happy to feature a guest blogger this week, Scot McKay of Deserve What You Want, to discuss The Case For “A Few Extra Pounds” .

This post isn’t about you.  It’s about the women you’ve been searching for online.

If you’re doing online dating, you’ve probably been filling out the checkboxes under “who I’m looking for” pretty literally. You’ve been visualizing the kind of woman you want and ticking the boxes accordingly.

Well, today I want to challenge you to go back into your search parameters and check off a box you may have left blank.

You guessed it.  I’m going to boldly suggest you widen your net to include women who describe themselves as having “a few extra pounds”. Before you’re tempted to blow off what I’m about to say, bear a couple of key points in mind.

First, I’m not about to ask you to change your taste in women.  If you’re not into chunky women, that’s your prerogative.  No worries.

Second, I’ve been immersed in the world of online dating for over twelve years now.  There’s a chance I may have an ironic strategy for you that can pay big dividends.

So let’s dive in.

Online Dating
Online Dating

Why do I believe you should check that box?  It’s simple:  Your online searches aren’t driven by some neural technology that can actively predict who you’re going to be attracted to (at least not yet).  Instead, they perform the much simpler Boolean task of bringing up women who describe THEMSELVES as fitting your specifications.

That’s right.  No algorithm in any computer anywhere is smart enough to read your mind and show you only the women who really, actually float your boat. In fact, my educated guess is that if you’ve been adamant against searching for women who self-identify as having “a few extra pounds” it’s not only because you don’t see yourself with such women.  My bet is it’s mostly because you’re search results are inundated with “about average” women who more accurately fall into Gabriel Iglesias’ “Fluffy” range.

Fair enough.  It’s easy to see that women tend to, shall we say, “under-classify” themselves. But here’s the thing.  Have you ever given any thought to the mere possibility that there are also women out there who aren’t necessarily so “optimistic” about their body type? There are actually PLENTY of women who have figured out that full disclosure is the only way to go.  And this according to their own perhaps arbitrary standards, no less. They’ve heard the horror stories from other women who presented themselves with too much optimism and got BLOWN AWAY by guys who felt swindled upon actually meeting them.

Ultimately, that really hurts a lot more than getting less attention to begin with.

So then yes, there are more women who you might think who classify themselves as having a “few extra pounds”, but who would really turn you on sexually. And here’s the crazy part.  A lot of them REALLY ARE only “a few extra pounds” over their ideal weight.

As in, three.

Basically, if some women feel they’d like to cut a few “vanity pounds”, they feel compelled to tell the truth. But there’s more.  Given the media-driven obsession with being skinny, imagine the possibility of a woman BELIEVING she weighs a bit too much when in reality she’s rather slim…and perhaps irresistibly sexy according to your tastes.

Now imagine a woman like that sitting alone on a Friday night because she’s dateless…all because she described herself as having “a few extra pounds”. If you think I’m crazy, I’m not.  Pinch yourself, because I speak the truth. These women are RAMPANT on online dating sites nowadays. In case it’s not obvious why finding exactly those women online is a BONANZA, here are my four specific reasons to start checking the “few extra pounds” box:

1. It opens up your dating pool - Suddenly, there are more women to potentially write to than there were before. It’s not like the women who lie about being “about average” have changed.  They’re still there. But fortunately, so now are the women on the opposite end of the spectrum:  those who think having curves in all the right places makes them “look fat”.

2. You have FAR less competition - How many of us as guys moan and complain about how women seem to idealize their “perfect guy” in their checkbox selections? Yeah well, we’re no different.  And just like women, we shortchange ourselves from meeting plenty of MOTOS (members of the other sex) who might appeal to us that way.

We compartmentalize them right out of our search results.

It’s time to let OTHER guys keep short-changing themselves.  Go get all of the unexpectedly hot women they’ll never even knew existed.

3. You’ll meet better women - What does it say about a woman who is honest enough to say she’s carrying “a few extra pounds” if she sees it that way, even if nobody else really does? It says she’s going out of her way to NOT be a liar.  That’s a great start, if you ask me.

Overall, women who overstate their body type online tend to be sweeter, more humble and have higher character. Weirdly, they don’t suffer from low self-esteem as often as you might think.  It’s really more about a commitment to honesty than some sort of weird self-punishment.

couple_kissing_in_sun_sets
couple_kissing_in_sun_sets

4. You make an amazing first impression even on “slender” women - A-ha…here’s the unexpected benefit I can almost guarantee you’ve never considered. In the end, even if you never discover more women to date using the strategy I’m talking about here, there’s still IMMENSE value in it. That’s because by checking “a few extra pounds” you’re perceived by women of ALL TYPES as being slightly less shallow than other guys.  It reflects positively on you and that is NEVER a bad thing. 

I don’t blame you for being skeptical.  All I’m suggesting is that you give what I’m talking about a try. Bear in mind that you ultimately will still choose the women you actually want, no matter what.  Nothing changes in that regard. If your search results don’t yield new and exciting possibilities in your neck of the woods, so be it.  At least you gave yourself a potential advantage no matter what.

Special thank you to our guest blogger this week, Scot Mckay of Deserve What You Want, dating, relationship and sex coach.