We've all been there before. You text a guy but he doesn't text back. It leaves you wondering what happened? Asking, "Is there something wrong with me?" I've spent quite a bit of time this week researching what it means when a guy doesn't text you back. Because let's be honest. We all want to know. I was having a recent conversation with two different girlfriends about “texting etiquette.” Both of them were seeing guys who were not very good at texting back. Questions were raised like: How long is too long to wait for a text? And should I say something to him if he doesn’t respond? In this modern world of global communication, is it strange when a guy doesn’t text you back?
Although I am old fashioned and prefer a phone call over a text (especially from a guy I am dating), I can’t help but wonder about the etiquette of texting. It’s a bit of an impersonal way to communicate, with tiny words displayed on a small digital screen. But it’s also a quick and simple way to get fast responses. My question is this: Why do we make it so complicated?
No Texts? What Does It Mean?
My one friend met a guy through friends. They hung out and were inseparable, but then things started to get more serious. She wanted to meet his friends and his parents. She started leaving clothes at his house. They went on a few dates and then he started getting shady. No return of texts, no return of phone calls. One time he went a week without texting her back, only to resurface saying he had “lost his phone.”
What He Said:"I lost my phone."
What He Really Meant: I am not interested in a more serious relationship with you.
The other friend was dating a guy who would text and call at weird hours of the day. He claimed it was because of his work schedule, but he only wanted to hang out with her late at night. He didn’t take her out on dates, he didn’t really even want to get to know her. She was- in all senses of the word- just his booty call. The only problem was, she didn’t know this. With their constant texting and phone calls, she assumed this was leading to something more. But when she would text him about romance, he would suddenly go silent for weeks on end. What was the sudden silence about?
What He Said:Nothing...unless it's after midnight and then he sends you a billion texts.
What He Really Meant: You’re fun as a booty call and I have no intention of showing you off. I may even have a girlfriend or wife at home.
Yet another friend is a text-aholic. She sends about 8 or 9 texts at the same time. If you do not text her back within 10 or 15 minutes, she assumes you hate her. She met a guy and went on a few dates. After each date she would text him right away, sending several texts saying what a great time she had. I warned her to cool down on the texting but she didn’t listen. After date number three, he just stopped texting her back, never to be heard from again.
What He Said: One word answers. "Nah." Then, "Yes" Then radio silence.
What He Really Meant: You’re coming on way too strong. Let me do some of the chasing.
So what are the lessons here, ladies?
Men know how to communicate, they know how a text message works and no, he didn’t lose his phone. If you are suddenly given the cold shoulder, there is a reason for it. A true gentleman will call you, set up dates, and do whatever he can to spend time with you (and not just in the middle of the night). He will text you back and he will be the one sending you the first text message. If he is truly interested, you will know. You won’t be able to keep him away.
In this text-happy generation, try not to get too text obsessed. A text message here or there to a guy is fine, but if you start texting him non-stop, you end up looking like a psycho. Also, if a guy doesn’t have the decency to text you back, ask yourself, “why am I bothering with him? I’m worth so much more!”
Because you are.